George Worthy

Big day today! It’s my favorite mother-in-law’s birthday. Nelda has reached a milestone and my favorite bride has, along with some favorite friends, taken her over to the Peninsula to slam down a couple of milkshakes to celebrate the fact that she can still kick up her feet. I’ll say right now that I wanted to go with them … almost as much as a root canal. 

Unfortunately, they pointed out that I would be outnumbered and probably wouldn’t relish the idea of spending a couple of hours at Chico’s. I am aware that I own more clothes at this point in my life that I have ever owned before, and if I were to wear a different shirt everyday they would still have plenty to choose from when the “Roll Is Called Up Yonder,” as my beloved mother used to say.

I was sitting with my love last night when our President came out with another threat about what would happen if we didn’t get our vaccination. I was reminded of a writer who called up the memory of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello describing a baseball game on the internet the other night. You might have heard of the skit called, “Who’s on First?” In case you haven’t, please stop reading this missal and go to the computer and pull it up. 

This was such a funny skit that even if you have seen it, you will find yourself laughing out loud as Bud tries to explain the game of baseball with the teams that have strange names. Along with Robin Williams’ take on explaining the game of golf, these are the two funniest skits I have ever seen, and remember I’m quite old so I have seen a lot of stuff.

This new skit calls on a person who is guarding a door that you can’t go through unless you have been vaccinated. The visitor begins to go through the door and is told he can’t because he hasn’t been vaccinated. “But I’m not sick,” the would-be visitor replied. “You have to be vaccinated to go into that room,” he is told by the door guard. The visitor said he didn’t want to take the vaccination, but his test was negative and showed no signs of the disease. “Besides,” he continued, “if all those people have been vaccinated then they shouldn’t worry about an unvaccinated negative test visitor.” “Doesn’t matter,” the door guard continued. … I’m going to stop there because they just continued to babble at each other trying to make sense of an insane rule.

Just in case you are wondering, I am a vaccinated patriot and I plan on getting the booster when I am eligible. Not because I think it will do good, but because I’m hoping it won’t do bad.

My blushing bride and I were talking among ourselves the other night when my sweet asked if I thought the booster would be needed. I told her that it wasn’t because I was going to need it, but because I couldn’t expect our leader to keep demanding we comply or he will save another Mid-East country.

“Besides,” I continued, “I take a flu shot every year simply because the doctor asks if I have had a flu shot yet.” I had to take another shot that is supposed to keep me clear of Shingles. I don’t know if they work either, but they were free and I like free stuff. Lorraine than popped up with, “Yeah, I remember when I had the chickenpox.” My eyes grew larger in memory and I replied, “Yes, I remember when we all took that vaccine.”

“Honey,” she said. “You are too old to have taken the chickenpox vaccine.” You must have had the chickenpox too. I stared at her for a moment and burst out, “No really!” I said. “I can remember taking the vaccine.” Of course, I was wrong, but who wants to lose and argument to a little girl. “Are you sure?” she retorted. “Maybe you HAD the chickenpox. It seems you are a little too old to have gotten the vaccine.” I looked at her with my squared chin quivering. “I know I took a vaccine! You can ask my older brother.” I hate it when she is so sure of herself. “Well, honey, maybe you are thinking of the smallpox vaccine. I think you might have been just about the right age for that. Or maybe it was the polio vaccine? Do you remember taking a little sugar cube?”  

I hate it when she asked me if I remember. It’s like the doctors out at the VA. “Have you had your flu shot this year?” I always look a little confused. It’s like they want me to keep all my records about shots and stuff in my head. “Heck! I don’t know. Just give me another one to make sure.” Happily they agree that it can’t hurt. Or maybe they just don’t know and want to make it seem like they have my best interests at heart. They are always coming up with some reason to inoculate myself for the betterment of man.

So, the end of all this is that I am going to make an appointment to get my booster shot. I don’t have a religion that prohibits this action and I know from personal experience that our government has all my money and all your money to fight us on this deal, and I haven’t got so many years left that I want to spend my time arguing with them. Besides, if you don’t have any good reason to not take the booster, just get it to shut these puffer pidgins up. I get so tired of them trying to show us how powerful they are. 

Thank goodness that we still have, in California, a way to get back at them. Let’s just take this self-indulging governor off his perch and let him and the other politicians that think they only have to utter a command to gain respect. They don’t think they have to follow what they say. Besides, if you look at the numbers, 92% in our little town of Gonzales has probably the best record in California on compliance to their commands.  

God Bless.

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Gonzales columnist George Worthy may be reached at [email protected].


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